The Stages of Not Knowing What to Post

Guys, I’ll be honest: I had no clue what I was going to write about this week.

Therefore, I’m writing about the process of not knowing what to write. In case you ever want to try it yourself.

**WARNING**

What follows is not recommended for control freaks. It has been known to cause allergic reactions, heart failure, and in some extreme cases, death.

I should know, because I’m in that last category.

 

Procrastinate

Because it’s only Saturday, and OF COURSE I can churn something out by Thursday. It’s like, five days away—

Oh. It’s tomorrow?

I can still get it done.

Recruit the family for ideas

And then use none of them.

Consider that lame idea birthed and rejected two months ago

But no, I discussed this with the voice in my head, and we decided that it was too stupid to ever see the light of day.

Stress

I don’t think I got this across clear enough.

STRESS

There we go.

Yup, we’re going with the lame idea

a1

Write like a desperate person

Mainly because I AM one.

It is now two o’ clock in the morning, and I am writing under the covers with a flashlight, counting down in my head how many hours left until I have to publish this thing. Fortunately, I’m too tired to be bothered by the stupidity of it, the horribleness of my grammar, or anything else that could cause offense to the brain. After throwing together a few disjointed thoughts and some failed attempts at humor, I. AM. DONE.

And it is wonderful.

Reread it the next day and realize that it’s actually not

Phooey.

Rewrite the intro

Because my sister Anna always says they’re terrible.

Rewrite the name

Because Anna says they’re worse.

Rewrite EVERYTHING

‘Cause let’s be honest here: It’s all bad.

Holy mackerel, is it 5 P.M. already?

No one said I HAVE to post it on Thursday. Friday is perfectly acceptable too.

Procrastinate until Friday

Because I obviously haven’t learned my lesson.

But seriously. I can get it done by Friday. No biggie. It’s only, like—

IT’S TODAY?

Make something up and call it good

a1

Kind of like that, except with considerably more blood and explosions, and I’m actually not smiling, but, in fact, dead.

Slap that baby on the editing table

Mom: “You literally used the same word four times in the span of one sentence.”

Me: *googles synonyms for ‘very’*

Publish

WHAT? WAIT, NO, I DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT. I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK, I TAKE IT BACK. STOP.

Cringe

And possibly hold your breath or close your eyes or play dead, and in extreme cases, all three at once.

Celebrate surviving another week

Man, I can’t believe I lived through that. I must be super-human or something. I must be Captain America. Sheesh, I’m DEFINITELY not going through THAT again. I’ve learned my lesson this time. Really.

But right now, I’m going to rest my poor nerves by pretending I don’t have a blog. After all, the next post is due a week from now. I have time. It’s only, like, Saturday. Thursday is five days—

Wait. Thursday is tomorrow?


 

It’s actually shameful how many posts have been written this way.

Now you know.

Go forth, kids, and don’t be like me.

~Sarah

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20 thoughts on “The Stages of Not Knowing What to Post

  1. A Star of Hope

    Haha I’m a minor control freak and that still happens to me. The only thing I suffered while reading this is laughing to hard. You have summed up the whole lifestyle of weekly post-writers. Also, yay! I’m second to comment here!

    Like

    1. It’s funny that some people can be such perfectionists, yet still be a wreck at organizing time. Oh well. Our lives will never be dull, at least. πŸ˜‰

      *hands you Second Commenter trophy*

      Like

  2. Shannon

    πŸ˜‚ This has maybe given me second thoughts on getting a blog? (Nice Princess Bride gif, by the way. That movie has to be the most quotable movie in the history of time.)

    Like

    1. WAIT! NO! DON’T HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS! It’s definitely not like this for everyone, believe me. I just do it wrong. πŸ™‚
      (I love quotable movies—they always have an overabundance of gifs to use. It’s great.)

      Like

      1. Indeed. Ha, don’t worry. Those “Procrastination” and “lame idea” parts are very crucial in any good work of writing, I think. Or at least, they are for me. *grimaces and looks at own writing* Yeaaahhh…. πŸ˜€ The best part, though, is when you spend an hour complaining to your mom about a book you just read with all of the worst clichΓ©s in it (mentor being an old man with a beard; mentor dying; hero being an orphan; love triangle; hero being the weakling who proves to be strong or hero being the strong guy who… yeah, stays strong; etc.) and then proceed to go write something with all of those included and not see a problem with it. XD

        Like

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