Spiritual

When We Find Ourselves Asking God “Why?”

I was going to post something funny and lighthearted about the dangers of being a youngest child, but honestly, I am so tired right now, I don’t have the mental capacity to be engaging.

By now, you should probably know what that means.

Guys, buckle down for another 2 AM talk with Sarah. What follows is (mostly, with a bit of editing) straight from the pages of my journal, recorded in the deep reaches of the night.

(Please note that I do not keep a journal, and therefore, this is probably my first and only attempt at one. Until the next time I can’t sleep.)

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about faith and logic, and how the two intertwine. Because frankly?

They don’t.

According to the Meyers-Briggs personality test, I am an INTJ, one of the most logically capable personalities of the sixteen types. So I feel pretty qualified to say that faith is a hard concept for logic to grasp.

I’m constantly told things such as, “God is good” or, “God loves us.” But my little analytical brain looks at the world around me, and as I study it, comparing what I see to what I’ve been taught, my logic starts to kick in. I see things that don’t make sense. Pain. Suffering. Innumerable struggles, in my own life and others. I don’t want to doubt God, but I can’t help but find myself asking…

“Why?”

Why, God? Why am I supposed to believe that you are good, when you let such terrible things happen? Why do you say that you love us, yet ask us to suffer so much for your sake? How can I trust you, when nothing seems to make sense? I don’t understand it. I don’t understand this.

I don’t understand You.

I grapple for answers, some reason to this ‘why’. But all I find is how small my mind is, how fallible my logic. I feel… finite. And I hate it. I hate this incapability to understand. I hate that my mind is too small, and I hate that no one can answer my questions. I’m not satisfied with the wishy-washy things people tell me: “You just have to trust Him, Sarah. God is good.”

That doesn’t answer my question.

I want to KNOW.

I want to know that God is good, not just be told. I want it to be spelled out in black and white letters: “God is good, here’s why.” I want someone to explain to me exactly why the world is the way it is, and why he lets it continue that way.

But maybe that’s where faith comes in.

I always thought of faith in a physical light; you pray for a thing with faith that God will make it so, and God makes the thing so. You pray that you get a sword for your birthday, and you get a sword for your birthday. (Please note that I didn’t do this. I’m not that shallow.) You pray for the mountain to move, and it does.

But what if that’s not all?

Is faith trusting that God is good, even if we can’t always see it?

Is faith believing that God loves us, even when we have to endure hardship for his sake?

Is faith laying down my tiny sense of logic—what makes and doesn’t make sense to me—because God’s plan is so massive, so unfathomably vast, that my logic can’t even comprehend it?

Faith is letting go of the “why?” and instead saying, “I don’t need to know.

Some things cannot be spelled out in black and white. Some things have no mortal answer. Some things go beyond our finite logic.

As you do not know what is the way of the wind,
Or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child,
So you do not know the works of God who makes everything.

~Ecclesiastes 11:5

Sometimes, we have to let go of our desire to know everything and say, “Okay, God, I may not understand this, but I know that you are bigger than me, and your plan is perfect.”

I don’t know why you do what you do, but I know you do it for a reason. I don’t always have to understand. I don’t need to.

That’s what faith is.

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*dejected sigh* This doesn’t half sum up the magnitude of my spiritual discovery, but I can’t seem to grasp the right words. Now you guys know why I never get any sleep.

Anyway. Go forth and do whatever it is you do on a Thursday.

~Sarah

 

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19 thoughts on “When We Find Ourselves Asking God “Why?””

  1. Sarah,
    This is amazing. You should check out Bruce Little’s book on why God allows evil in the world. It’s called God, Why This Evil. I haven’t read the whole thing, but Little puts things in an interesting light. It is a deep book though, so if you’re like me, it’ll take you a while to read through, but I think it might be worth it. (It’s a book HE and I were reading together.)

    ~Bethia

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  2. I hope you win this spiritual struggle. It’s definitely a war.

    As to why logic and faith seem to come into conflict, I think it’s because human logic is warped by sin.

    I could elaborate a lot here and give my own position on these things. But most people don’t like my answers, and they would be too long to post here. Regardless, I’ll pray for you. πŸ™‚

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    1. Aww, thank you. πŸ™‚

      “As to why logic and faith seem to come into conflict, I think it’s because human logic is warped by sin.”

      THIS. Just… YES. I was going to say something to this effect at some point, but couldn’t quite put what I was thinking into words. BUT YES. Exactly.

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  3. I am an INTJ too, and I know what you mean, but for me trusting has always been logical. I mean, I’m taking Biology this year, and it all just makes sense. Of course He loves us, and of course He cares. It’s a constant in my life that I HAVE to depend on, otherwise the world doesn’t make sense.
    I’m really sorry if it seems like I”m just contradicting you, but I’m just trying to offer my perspective.

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    1. Yes, I totally agree. I thought I had made that clear by the end of the post… whoops.

      Yup, if God WASN’T good, the world would crumble. Everything (EVERYTHING) is defined by his goodness. He is utterly, undeniably holy, and therefore, what he DOES is utterly, undeniably holy. But as Hansvos914 said up there in the comments, our logic is flawed because of sin and human nature. Combine faulty logic with a rough patch in life, and sometimes it’s far easier to slip into doubt than any of us would like to think.

      (Oh, and high-five to a fellow INTJ! *high fives you*)

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  4. Sarah, this is great…and very deep. Letting go of the why is difficult. Trust me, I know, because you definitely aren’t the only one dealing with that. This reminds me of Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Thanks for this awesome post!

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  5. Ah my little dust speck…you are seeing it! The absolute bedrock in the life of a believer. Now. My prayer is that your faith in God will grow faster and bigger than your HEAD. 😁😘

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    1. *high-fives your friend* Yet another INTJ! For being such a rare type, I’ve been hearing an awful lot about them of late… It’s pretty cool. INTJs will take over the world. (With the help of our INFP pals… my sister’s an INFP/J.)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, same here! I always thought they were too. Haha! She talks about taking over the world too. XD
        Oh yes… never go anywhere without your INFP pals… they will try to keep you from being too cold and hard-hearted. πŸ˜‰ INFPs are “said” to have fallen out of the sky and been raised by unicorns. πŸ˜€

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