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Sometimes, With a Ton of Concentration, I Can Clean

sometimes, with a ton of concentration, i can clean

TODAY ENDS CAMP NANOWRIMO.

Excuse me while I go bury myself and don’t return for another hundred years.

*buries self*

Ahem. Yes. For the few random people who don’t know what Camp Nano is, it’s basically where you set yourself a writing goal and complete it in a month. Yes, we could do that ourselves, without the help of a Camp Unpronounceable, but that’s no fun. My goal was to write 25,000 words, which I thought was all I would need to finish my book.

HA. Nope.

However,  I DID complete my goal, whether or not I completed my book. That’s 25,000 words under my belt, probably more than I’ve written in three months. I’m immensely proud. In honor of this great achievement, I renovated my blog.

*And the shocked masses gasp*

Yes, I know, it’s not typical protocol for writers to do a clean-up post after Camp Nano. More often than not, they do a wrap up post about everything they learned from their writing goal. Unfortunately though, 1.) I care nothing for typical writer protocol, and 2.) didn’t learn anything worth hearing, except how to handle stress on a month long level.

And yes, I’m also aware that I’m not one for cleaning. But sometimes, despite what Mop says, and if I really put my mind to it, I can clean of my own volition. You see, Mop, it all depends on whether the subject of my cleaning is something I want to clean. Unfortunately, you always want me to clean stuff I have absolutely no interest in, like baseboards. And okay, the renovations aren’t major.  I sorted out a few category mishaps and straightened my header picture, which wasn’t crooked to begin with. But come on, look on the bright side. I actually did it.

Also, if you didn’t notice, I tacked a fearsome picture of myself to the side bar somewhere. It keeps changing places though, so I’ll have to get back to you on that one. (Did I mention that this layout has glitches?) Remember Shield Maiden in a Plaid Shirt?

DSC_0008
I look so epic. Probably because I cropped out the bright yellow boots with red chickens I was wearing.

Well, that’s the picture I stuck somewhere. In case I need to scare off internet creeps or something.

OH, and here’s something cool. I figured out how to make an app of my blog, which resulted in me taking half of the time that I was supposed to be writing and instead making an app design. Which means that if all you iPhone and iPad and iWhatever users save my blog to your homescreen, you’ll get a pretty app cover. Observe:

cropped-s1.jpg

 

Great incentive, am I right? Now you can have me in your face every time you turn your iThing on!

Aaaand that’s as far as my marketing capabilities go.

Oh, and hey, I updated my Writing page, since it’s been carrying faulty data ever since I started this dumb thing. And in honor of Camp Nano, I also made a new page completely devoted to my work in progress. If you’ll direct your attention back to the Writing tab, you’ll see that there is now a drop-down page. Be so good as to click on that drop-down page (or click here, if you’re too lazy to move your mouse that far), and you’ll see a new and original page entirely filled with my book. Art, collages, brief snippets. Basically, all the fun stuff, because I’ve never been one for sharing my “word count” with the world.

Frankly, it’s none of your business.

It has also come to my attention that having a Contact page is the professional thing to do. To be totally honest, I’ve never really cared for professionalism. Keep your professionalism in a briefcase and let me do what I want.

However, there is now a contact page, which totally discredits everything I just said.

Now, finally: Every blog should have a theme. (Or so Anna says. I’m still skeptical, but I’m in no way going to cross Anna.) However, I don’t trust myself to stick to a specific topic. If I attempted to write primarily about writing, I’d end up with posts about the nuclear friction alliteration causes. Or if I just wrote about gardening, I’d end up only writing about how much I hate gardening. It’s a total lost cause.

HOWEVER. Upon closer inspection, I realized that in fact, I DO have a theme. When it comes right down to it, my blog is about finding wisdom and joy and weirdness in the little boring facts of life. Chasing bees instead of flipping out over the future. Getting the biggest kick out of writing stories about an narcissistic idiot squire instead of worrying whether people will think I’m immature because of it. Drawing deep life lessons from a series of hills beyond a fence.

Living now instead of off in the future somewhere, because when you’re here in the moment, the world reveals a new dimension you were otherwise too busy to see.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…

The Sarcastic Elf—Finding joy (or something) in the daily hum-drummities of life.

Now that’s out of the way, I can go on doing exactly what I did before. In the words of a very good friend of mine, “Phwephk.”

I wanted to put my theme in small lettering underneath my title, but for some reason, it only allows two options: To make the tagline bigger than the title, or the tagline to be the perfect size and the titles of the blog posts minuscule. However, after I wasted a good deal of time fiddling with random settings and seeing if I could circumvent the system, I am pleased to announce that…

I failed.

bilbo

There is no tagline.

So yeah.

Finally, in honor of Camp Nano and cleaning, I would like to share something with you. My brain has random fizzles at 2:00 AM, and sometimes I write them down. Here’s a recent one.

If a story has a Time and begins with a Once, and the Once is upon the Time, then it’s not a story at all: It’s a Fairytale. And though fairies don’t have tails, tales DO have fairies, and this one is no exception.

But tails and fairies and onces and times aside, this fairytale is primarily about a girl who is neither, and who’s name is Flopenskal Weena Biddle Wartzhur. Because Biddle is the best of these names (though not by an overabundance of trying), we shall primarily call her by that.

I have absolutely no idea what this is, except that it’s based on a dream I once had about Cinderella, and it’s called Fairy Fails.

 

I’m done now. And I’m not writing again for the next two hundred years. (In other words, until tomorrow.)

Go away.

~Sarah

 

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31 thoughts on “Sometimes, With a Ton of Concentration, I Can Clean”

            1. *Nods regally*. Good day to you Miss Beth! I bestow upon you a feather to put in your hat! (or “cap” which I suppose is the more proper way to say it). Anybody that can get the better of The Big Head deserves one! 😉

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                1. *Accepts homage without much humility* 😉 Miss Beth, I believe we are going to get along very well!

                  Look out Big Head. I just may give you a run for your money! 😁😘

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  1. your humor is 8/8 and reminds me so much of andrew peterson and basically you should be the next andrew peterson okay because wow i love the humor in your writing; it really appeals to my ridiculous and silly side, but like it’s such good writing aaahhh

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Aw, thank you! For someone who loves Andrew Peterson so much as to have his story in their title, I take this as the highest compliment. I love reading things that makes me laugh, and it tickles me to death that my own writing can make others laugh as well. ❤ *runs off to become the next Andrew Peterson*

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Ahhhhhggggg, the snark!! It’s killing me! *is killed* *pops back up unharmed* Seriously, Sarah, it’s impossible to leave your blog without a smile on my face. 😀 And that tag line is so perfect!

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    1. My dear friend beyond-the-grave… It seriously does mine heart well to hear such glad tidings. Just don’t hurt yourself, because then I would be a murderess, and I’d rather not have to add that to my list of titles. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I noticed the picture. And thought it a fitting thing to preside over the warning on the side for less agile minds.
    That is a cool writing page full of cool stuff. I’ve been checking it periodically waiting for something to be there. (Emolas sounds like an INFP. And I had seriously JUST earlier been wondering how his name is pronounced! So thank you.) That’s a pretty sad sounding cast. I hope they all find fulfilment. 😂 I’ll hazard a guess Emolas and Lotch are EVERYBODY’S foils. *snort* The dear little friends.
    And if I may be allowed to note, however presumptous it may seem, ‘Eldrest’ sounds like a terribly typical overused sort of fantasty high Spirit-Angels or whatever type of name. *cough* Just so you know. 😛 KInda like Eldar, that kinda thing…
    And I love the subtitle/theme for your blog. It’s a good one especially, for it allows you to write about anything. And variety is VERY COOL. *nodnod*

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    1. Yup. INFP was my initial thought too. I put the pronunciation in there because my dear mother told me it looks like it could be Ee-mole-ess. Which I hate. So lucky for you. 😀
      HA! You have no idea. Tragic, yes. But not like, Les Miz tragic. More like… yeah. I don’t know. And you’re right about Emolas and Lotch being foils for everybody. Those poor characters. I may overuse them a bit…

      OKAY. Yes. I agree. Whole heartedly. *vigorously nods head* Yuppers. I came up with the Eldrest name back when I didn’t even know what a cliche was. I was reading Christopher Paolini’s Eldest, and Anna happened to make the comment that the title’s format made it look like “Eldrest”. In my dumb thirteen year old head, I was like, “COOL!” I’m gonna change it, I just haven’t thought of anything better yet…

      Thank you kindly, m’lady. Now I have clearance to basically do what ever I want. It’s great. *nods with you*

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  4. That’s sorta how I thought it was pronounced too. *cackle*
    Well tragic can be good. *sniff* Depending.

    PHEWPHK. You agree. Somehow I thought you would, but…ya never know, ya know. 😛 And I was thinking of Eldest too. *grimace* Blechy. I mean *coughcough* never mind.

    Murtagh is the best thing about that series.

    Like you wouldn’t’ve given yourself clearance before, regardless, my dear INTJ. *snort*

    AND I forgot to say, but I liked the Fairy Fail. 😂

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    1. Speaking of tragic… MURTAGH IS THE BEST THING ABOUT THAT SERIES. *crazy head nodding* Somehow, I knew you’d think that. I’m glad. *wrings your hand* You’ve gone up another notch in my estimation, if that’s even possible.

      *creepy INTJ smile*

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        1. YES! And a little kfhouhelhaiugdjhgfighrku as well.

          Congratulations, you just subjected my mother to a huge spew on my part about every good Murtagh moment, scene, character development, and tragedy, even though she has practically no idea who the character is. XD

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    1. Oh yes, I used to do that very well. It was a job of mine for cleaning cabins before it got shoved off to the littler generation and bigger responsibilities got shoved on me. I’ll do it directly. Sarah can stay and write. 😀 *salutes*

      Liked by 1 person

        1. *choke* Whaddya mean? We don’t even CLEAN the baseboards in the house! We have a cabin rental business where we get to do that. XD But in my defense, I’m 16 and have ten siblings, 8 of whom are younger than me. So I have less time for that sort of thing. *snort*
          But I DO clean them in the bathroom.
          Anyway, I think they’re kept clean well enough with how lively a household we have. Everyone running around makes the dust hard to stay put. XD

          *is done with self defense*

          And btw, congratulations on keeping your house baseboards clean. 😀

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  5. I love this! You know, I’m reading some of your old posts, and I really really really want you to write more so I can read new stuff!!! And also, I looked at your artwork page, you’re a really good artist!

    Like

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