TODAY ENDS CAMP NANOWRIMO.
Excuse me while I go bury myself and don’t return for another hundred years.
Ahem. Yes. For the few random people who don’t know what Camp Nano is, it’s basically where you set yourself a writing goal and complete it in a month. Yes, we could do that ourselves, without the help of a Camp Unpronounceable, but that’s no fun. My goal was to write 25,000 words, which I thought was all I would need to finish my book.
However, I DID complete my goal, whether or not I completed my book. That’s 25,000 words under my belt, probably more than I’ve written in three months. I’m immensely proud. In honor of this great achievement, I renovated my blog.
*And the shocked masses gasp*
Yes, I know, it’s not typical protocol for writers to do a clean-up post after Camp Nano. More often than not, they do a wrap up post about everything they learned from their writing goal. Unfortunately though, 1.) I care nothing for typical writer protocol, and 2.) didn’t learn anything worth hearing, except how to handle stress on a month long level.
And yes, I’m also aware that I’m not one for cleaning. But sometimes, despite what Mop says, and if I really put my mind to it, I can clean of my own volition. You see, Mop, it all depends on whether the subject of my cleaning is something I want to clean. Unfortunately, you always want me to clean stuff I have absolutely no interest in, like baseboards. And okay, the renovations aren’t major. I sorted out a few category mishaps and straightened my header picture, which wasn’t crooked to begin with. But come on, look on the bright side. I actually did it.
Also, if you didn’t notice, I tacked a fearsome picture of myself to the side bar somewhere. It keeps changing places though, so I’ll have to get back to you on that one. (Did I mention that this layout has glitches?) Remember Shield Maiden in a Plaid Shirt?
Well, that’s the picture I stuck somewhere. In case I need to scare off internet creeps or something.
OH, and here’s something cool. I figured out how to make an app of my blog, which resulted in me taking half of the time that I was supposed to be writing and instead making an app design. Which means that if all you iPhone and iPad and iWhatever users save my blog to your homescreen, you’ll get a pretty app cover. Observe:
Great incentive, am I right? Now you can have me in your face every time you turn your iThing on!
Aaaand that’s as far as my marketing capabilities go.
Oh, and hey, I updated my Writing page, since it’s been carrying faulty data ever since I started this dumb thing. And in honor of Camp Nano, I also made a new page completely devoted to my work in progress. If you’ll direct your attention back to the Writing tab, you’ll see that there is now a drop-down page. Be so good as to click on that drop-down page (or click here, if you’re too lazy to move your mouse that far), and you’ll see a new and original page entirely filled with my book. Art, collages, brief snippets. Basically, all the fun stuff, because I’ve never been one for sharing my “word count” with the world.
Frankly, it’s none of your business.
It has also come to my attention that having a Contact page is the professional thing to do. To be totally honest, I’ve never really cared for professionalism. Keep your professionalism in a briefcase and let me do what I want.
However, there is now a contact page, which totally discredits everything I just said.
Now, finally: Every blog should have a theme. (Or so Anna says. I’m still skeptical, but I’m in no way going to cross Anna.) However, I don’t trust myself to stick to a specific topic. If I attempted to write primarily about writing, I’d end up with posts about the nuclear friction alliteration causes. Or if I just wrote about gardening, I’d end up only writing about how much I hate gardening. It’s a total lost cause.
HOWEVER. Upon closer inspection, I realized that in fact, I DO have a theme. When it comes right down to it, my blog is about finding wisdom and joy and weirdness in the little boring facts of life. Chasing bees instead of flipping out over the future. Getting the biggest kick out of writing stories about an narcissistic idiot squire instead of worrying whether people will think I’m immature because of it. Drawing deep life lessons from a series of hills beyond a fence.
Living now instead of off in the future somewhere, because when you’re here in the moment, the world reveals a new dimension you were otherwise too busy to see.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you…
The Sarcastic Elf—Finding joy (or something) in the daily hum-drummities of life.
Now that’s out of the way, I can go on doing exactly what I did before. In the words of a very good friend of mine, “Phwephk.”
I wanted to put my theme in small lettering underneath my title, but for some reason, it only allows two options: To make the tagline bigger than the title, or the tagline to be the perfect size and the titles of the blog posts minuscule. However, after I wasted a good deal of time fiddling with random settings and seeing if I could circumvent the system, I am pleased to announce that…
There is no tagline.
Finally, in honor of Camp Nano and cleaning, I would like to share something with you. My brain has random fizzles at 2:00 AM, and sometimes I write them down. Here’s a recent one.
If a story has a Time and begins with a Once, and the Once is upon the Time, then it’s not a story at all: It’s a Fairytale. And though fairies don’t have tails, tales DO have fairies, and this one is no exception.
But tails and fairies and onces and times aside, this fairytale is primarily about a girl who is neither, and who’s name is Flopenskal Weena Biddle Wartzhur. Because Biddle is the best of these names (though not by an overabundance of trying), we shall primarily call her by that.
I have absolutely no idea what this is, except that it’s based on a dream I once had about Cinderella, and it’s called Fairy Fails.
I’m done now. And I’m not writing again for the next two hundred years. (In other words, until tomorrow.)